Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
