I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
