im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
