Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
