no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
