Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
