I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
