Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
