I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize