Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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