the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
