I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
