if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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