you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
