So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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