I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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