Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
