Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
