Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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