My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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