My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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