i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
