did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
