He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
