i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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