I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
