Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
