so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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