I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
