I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
