I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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