don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize