Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
