she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
