we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
