I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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