i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize