I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
