you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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