SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
