Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
where are my eyebrows?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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