Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
