I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
