They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
