My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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