I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just gargled with NyQuil
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize