I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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