glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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