I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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