I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
