Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
