I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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