just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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