he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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