We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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