so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
