Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize