Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
