just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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