i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
