absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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