I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
