I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
