We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
