dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
